Girl’s Guide to Guns checked out RED (or ‘Retired Extremely Dangerous’) last weekend, and while it was no ‘The Kingdom‘ (best female fight scene of all time), we have to give it Two Guns Up!  As with most Hollywood movies involving firearms, the action and shooting scenes were not necessarily realistic, but come on. It’s Hollywood. If you though people in film were realistic about guns we’ve got two words for you: The Expendables.  Enough said.

Bruce Willis is retired CIA agent Frank Moses- a lovable cold blooded ex-killer who is bored out of his wits. The most exciting thing going in his life is the occasional chat with his his phone-crush, Mary Louise Parker, and tending to his budding avocado seed-in-a-jar. Of course, within the first ten minutes he’s ambushed by three bad guys outfitted with automatic weapons and night vision goggles.  Since he is a retired-CIA-Marine-Corps-badass, he easily takes down about 40 of these guys and the adventures begin.  Again, feel free to throw realistic out the window.  Soon old cronies including Morgan Freeman, as Joe Matheson who would be a dirty old man in the film if he weren’t, ya know, Morgan Freeman; John Malkovich, who boosts the comic relief as the paranoid government experiment gone wrong, Marvin Boggs; and finally, the incredible Dame Helen Mirren as Victoria. Yes, Ms. Mirren is such a badass girl with guns that she only needs one name.  And it just happens to be that of a Queen. We’re just sayin’. With the help of Brian Cox as Russian accomplice Ivan Simanov, they work against the ‘bad guy with a heart o’ gold’, agent William Cooper (played by New Zealand actor Karl Urban) who just happens to want Frank dead. Sort of.

We don’t want to give away too much of the movie, but we will say this: we agree with Bruce Willis. Helen Mirren looks amazing in her scenes while she’s kicking ass using guns!  In fact, Bruce Willis apparently told producers that if they removed scenes where Helen Mirren wields a .50-caliber in a ballgown, that they could just take him out of the movie entirely. Evidently, the point was taken.

Here’s the quote from the actors’ interview with FoxNews:

“I said if that scene is not in the film I want them to take every shot of me out of the movie.  But it’s in.  It’s so . . . it’s just sexy,” Willis told Pop Tarts while promoting the film,  in which he headlines a group of retired CIA agents, including John Malkovich and Morgan Freeman. “Who knew? I think Helen would’ve been doing action films a while ago – with that .50 Caliber machine gun in a ball gown. Wow!”

John Malkovich agreed he can now die a happy man thanks to the British Oscar-winner’s hotness.

“What more could you want than Helen Mirren with a firearm? One can pass over to the other side and be happy,” he said.

And despite being 27 years Mirren’s junior, co-star Karl Urban still hadn’t picked his jaw up from the floor.

“Oh my God. It was the sexiest thing I have seen in a long time,” he responded when we asked about the scene. “Helen Mirren on a 50-caliber machine gun, full rock-and-roll. I would pay to see that.”

So if you’re looking for a movie to check out this weekend, we’d highly recommend going to see Red. And after you do, let us know what you think: Is Dame Mirren mighty sexy with a machine gun?

-GGtG