Love it or loathe it, St. Valentine’s Day is here and it refuses to be ignored. Between the quicksand swamp of cookies and cupcakes, candy hearts, and chocolates of unusual proportion at every turn, Valentine’s Day can be a bit overwhelming. But single or attached, I declare boldly that there is absolutely no reason to have a lame Valentine’s Day. Whether you plan on spending it with some girlfriends, with your honey or all by your sweet self, I’ve got some tips to weave my second favorite activity into your day of romance. (The first was shopping, just in case you were curious.)
Night with the girls:
If ever there was an opportunity to introduce your weapons-shy girlfriends to the fine art of firepower, tonight is the night. Call up your girls and let them know that this will be a Valentine’s Day they won’t soon forget. Inform them that you’re on your way to an oasis of gunpowder and lead and they absolutely must attend. If they resist, throw in a mani/pedi for their trouble. Trust me, they’ll be thanking you for the introduction to their new favorite past time, not to mention the new men in their lives… Otis, Leupold, Winchester and Glock (he’s Austrian). After this night is over, they’ll be more relaxed and invigorated than if they had just sweated it out in a marathon session of Power Yoga. And for the record, the opportunity for flirting skyrockets at testosterone-filled locales such as the firing range, so make sure your sisters in arms get all dolled up for this particular shooting lesson.
Night with your honey:
For those of you who do have a significant other with whom to share a little romance, why not heat things up with a fully automatic firearm? …assuming you are in a state that allows such weapons, of course. Ask your man to “teach you how” (as if you didn’t already know) to shoot such a hefty new gun. It will be like the pottery scene from Ghost, only with projectiles and steel instead of clay. As the bullets fly, so will the sparks between you and you mister.
Another idea- Tell your guy that carving your initials in a tree is sweet, but you know what’s cool? Shooting your initials in a target. This feat will likely require a scope and a bipod, but if y’all can pull it off, it will be a treasured memory for years to come. Plus it gets you all sorts of bragging rights among your firearm friends. Including me.
Spending it alone:
If you’re longing to escape all the lovey dovey couples (barf) to whom this day technically belongs, it’s a pretty good bet that you’ll be safe from them at the gun range. Unless, of course, they’ve read this post. Rather than sequestering yourself in your room with a copy of Pride and Prejudice or spending the evening on a double date with Ben and Jerry, why not head out for a night on the town with two more active and less calorically cruel gents… preferably a pair of bachelors by the name of Smith & Wesson? Again, the male/female ratio swings largely in your favor at any gun store or firing range. If you happen to be in the market at the moment, I say take advantage of these locations, sister! You never know when a flirt fest will begin between yourself and that lonely 6-foot-4 Clooney clone in the next lane. Once you squeeze off a few rounds rather than drowning your sorrows in ice cream, you’ll feel like the fabulous femme that you are. Don’t be surprised if out of the corner of your eye you watch all those boys behind you pick their jaws up off the floor when you turn around to reload. But then again, that’s just another day at the range for you, isn’t it? You gun toting minx, you.
Send me reports on how you spend your V-Day at the range. I heart you very much! Happy Valentine’s Day!