So It’s a lovely Saturday morning. My friend has just arrived at the airport. We’ve got a wedding to hit later that day, so after picking her up at the Southwest Terminal, we head straight for iced lattes and a mani/pedi. This is a particular treat for me because A) I only get my hands and feet done about twice a year and B) because Sunday is my birthday and this birthday girl is gonna be lookin’ her absolute best for her guests, if ya know what I’m sayin’.

Toes and tips freshly moisturized and painted, we head off to the wedding and proceed to party our knickers off. Not literally, of course. (Though I can’t speak for a few of the bridesmaids.)

The next day (birthday), what would I rather do than head straight to the shooting range to break in my brand new Sig Sauer P250 9mm? She’s a beaut, by the way. I’ve already bedazzled the case (see below) and I’m taking name suggestions for her in the comment section.

My friend and I get to the range and after a few smirks and many compliments on my bedazzled case, we proceed to our lane. Now, if you haven’t experienced the thrill and rush of joy when you open you very own brand new firearm… well, the best I can do is liken it to receiving your first pair of diamond earrings or holding the keys to your first car. It’s a moment you’ll never forget.

Before you can shoot, though, you’ve got to load up the magazine, right? Therein lies the drama. Did I mention that we’re discussing� magazines that carry ammunition, as opposed to Cosmo or Vogue? For the brand new gun-totin’ gals, the magazine is the part of the gun that feeds the bullets into the chamber so they can be fired. It keeps you from having to load one bullet at a time and it’s often mistakenly referred to as a “clip”. (Now go impress the man in your life with that info.) Back to the story:

It’s Magazine versus Manicure and this fight doesn’t look like a fair one. The stage is set…

Ladies and gentlemen, in the right hand we have brand new target ammo. Though it’s not the toughest or heaviest of bullets, it has been made for this day and is fully prepared to take down anything that falls in its path. Including your fingernail polish.

On the left hand we have a freshly painted manicure. Some might have confidence in the manicure, having dried for 24 hours at this point and with the promise from Sally Hansen that it will be “hard as nails”, but the audience is bracing for a blood bath which, incidentally, would be a fabulous name for the newest shade of deep red from OPI. I’m just sayin.

Ding! Ding!

Round 1: Bullet slides into the mag without a problem. Manicure unscathed. Whew! Close one.

Round 2: Ouch! Ok, its just a little scratch in the topcoat. Shake it off. It can be repaired tonight at home.

Round 3: Maintaining…

Round 5: Crap. That gash went all the way to the bottom coat.

Round 10: Almost a quarter of my thumbnail polish is gone. We’re down to the bare nail, people.

Round 15: With half of my thumbnail polish gone, it’s official. The magazine takes this one. Tragic but true.

But my manicure wants a rematch! It turns out there is a solution to my digit woes and it comes in the form of (drum roll, please)…

the Speed Loader!

Behold, my friends:

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I hope you watched every second of that video. What? You didn’t? OK, neither did I, but the first 10 seconds sure were pretty informative, weren’t they? Speed loaders are super efficient and here’s the best part: they spare your manicure from the wrath of your mag.

One speed loader tip I’ve learned thus far: find the right one for your gun. They are somewhat magazine specific, so be sure that the guy (or girl, hopefully) behind the counter gives you the right one for your firearm.

Load ’em up and fire away!!