Never Say Never
Posted on December 6, 2011 by Natalie in In Photos, In Words
Never Say Never
By Dana Commandatore
Do you want to know the secret to a good marriage? Here is one tip: “It’s not what you say, it’s what you don’t say that keeps you 
together”. Take my husband, Michael, and I for instance. When we decided to get married we talked through many scenarios to make sure there were as few surprises as possible. We knew we wanted to work hard, have kids and buy a house…with no guns. Yes, I was never going to allow a gun in my home, especially a home with children in it.
It’s not like I’d had a bad experience with guns. Society taught me that guns were wrong. I’d heard every anti-gun argument out there without ever getting the other side. I didn’t want them anywhere near my child or me. One would think that Michael, a veteran of the Marine Corps, would’ve had something to say about that, but he didn’t. He kept quiet. At that time, we were living in New York City and Michael knew it would be ridiculous to argue since it would be next to impossible to own a gun in NYC. He probably also knew that the more he pushed, the more I would pull away. Let’s face it; once you put a stake in the ground, you don’t want to move it.
In 2004 we made the trek to Los Angeles where we bought our first home. This was the first time in my adult life that I lived in a home instead of an apartment and I’ve got to say, I was a little nervous. I wasn’t sure I liked living so exposed. Plus, now we had a little boy that we both wanted to protect. Shortly after we moved in, a man came to our door requesting some gasoline. Being a New Yorker, I was overly suspicious and denied his request for me to take him to our garage where he could look for something to help start his car. But I was worried that I was being an unfriendly neighbor since he claimed to live on our street and had a little girl that just died (all BS by the way). Michael knew better. As I turned to get his attention with my hand on the door, he positioned himself in a spot where the man could not see him and put his finger to his mouth so that I did not alert the man to his presence. If the man had tried to force his way in then Michael could always use the element of surprise…but not a gun since I would not allow it. A few months later, a neighboring house was robbed.
I didn’t feel comfortable and I don’t like being uncomfortable in my own home. Michael knew it and suggested he get a gun. We talked about my concerns and he explained to me the steps he would take to keep it safe and inaccessible to our son. I thought about it for a long time and made a decision to trust my husband. I was confident that he knew what he was doing and it was important for him to be able to protect us.
Now, you’ve heard the saying, “Guns are like tattoos. You can’t have just one.” Well, it’s true. So, several guns later, I could say I felt safe. But was I being responsible? What if Michael was out and I needed to protect my son and myself? What good would a gun do me if I didn’t know the first thing about shooting it? Plus, I was really enjoying all those shooting shows on TV like Top Shot and Sons of Guns. Maybe it was time to exercise my 2nd Amendment right.
Mother’s Day seemed like as good a day as any to learn how to shoot. Michael packed up the truck and we went to the local indoor range with two of my best girlfriends. They had been shooting most of their lives and were always up for some shooting—the perfect support group. It wasn’t the first time I ever fired a gun so I can’t say I was scared (although it does take a moment to get used to the noise of the surrounding guns and one of the main reasons I would suggest shooting outdoors for the first time.) I had some difficulty with the sights for I have a blind spot in my right eye. Michael did an excellent job of explaining gun safety and the basics of shooting. I no longer feared guns and wanted to become a shooter. I thought I should have my own gun so that I could become proficient with it. Michael gave me the gun I shot that day, a Smith and Wesson M&P. Since then, we have been shooting several times. Instead of date night at the movies or a restaurant, we often opt for a couple hours at a range. I learn more each time and I improve with each shot. Of course I do, I have a great teacher.
Maybe women look at guns differently than men? I know there are women out there that grew up around guns and don’t have the same fears. I also know that there are many women that have never even seen a real gun let alone shot one. Maybe we want to feel secure enough in our relationship or ourselves before we allow such a huge responsibility into our lives. There is a lot of trust that goes into firing a loaded weapon and you need to make sure your relationship can handle the responsibility.
2nd amendment , the world we live in is just that and there are evil decisions human beings make. These decisions need to be serviced when they make the conscious choice again i say choice to do harm to an innocent human being, I rather be defending my decision alive then in a grave.
I certainly enjoyed the article. For over 15 years I taught Hunter Safety/Hunter Ed. and Personal Protection Pistol in Wyoming. And my crew and I decided that for the HS courses we would do what we could to limit most classes to kids and ladies (and I do mean LADIES – in the very best sense of the word).
While my co-leader and I were both about 6’6″ and 300lbs, we never had a kid and very few of the ladies that were afraid of us. Our reason for kids and ladies? We got to work with people who WANTED to learn, be safe, and enjoy shooting for all their own varied reasons.
We had several times when someone would sign up because they wanted to show how dangerous guns were, and they hated and were afraid of ALL guns. We rarely even commented on this, letting the field day do most of the speaking for the pleasure of firearms ownership and shooting. Yes, the 2nd ammendment was talked about, but only as it is in relation to all gun laws. Our FOCUS, was the safe used of firearms, and all that revolves around it.
As most kids and ladies can attest, some idiot relative probably gave them a 12guage Shotgun, loaded with the heaviest load he could find, then say, “here, shoot this” – and after they have been hurt by way too much gun, not held correctly, they see this same person laughing like a crazy man (I tend to think they were).
My wife was uncertain about gun ownership when we were first married. Now she goes out to shoot with our sons and I. And she can shoot my 1911 (WW I designed military pistol) nearly as well as I can!
When my students go to the range, after some demonstrations meant to reinforce why safety is so important, we start in – with .22LR rifles and pistols. Then we move to .243 Win, 20guage, and so on. The very LAST the students are given the option to shoot are the larger (12 & 10 guage shotguns, centerfire belted magnum rifles) – only after they see and instructor fire one, demonstrating how to hold it so as to minimize any shooting discomfort!
And something we always offer are a slate of military or military clones firearms. I am always amazed that people are afraid of my AR-15 clone. I demonstrate that by putting it on my chin and firing 4-5 rounds fairly rapidly.
To my knowledge, there have been very few complaints, and the ones that I did find out about had to do with failed students or unsafe range practices – BY THE STUDENT! The mother or father was upset that their pride and joy was failed for swinging a loaded firearm on another student (almost). Or for not wearing proper clothing when we were doing a range day where the student walked in cactus and snow!
In short, I would rather work with ladies with firearms than more than 90% of the men I know. And the only thing I would say about conceled carry is this: If you cannot KILL someone, DO NOT CARRY a firearm. Use pepper spray, Tazer, or similar. If you pull a gun on an attacker, you shoot until you are out of ammunition, or they stop moving. Otherwise they might take the weapon away and use it on you.
I have seen a number of ladies – mothers, teenagers, grandmothers, a judge, etc. – and nearly all who have gone through a course taught by a responsible instructor, have changed their mind from anti-gun, to wanting to own one.
Thank you for a wonderful article!
Paul
As I like to say, “No means no; nobody says ‘no’ louder than Smith & Wesson.”
Excellent article. May Americans never *never* relinquish the Creator-endowed right to keep and bear arms, and to vociferously maintain the right to defend home, family and self against any living danger.
How much
Owning a gun is no big deal. Yeah, if you’re not used to guns, having a loaded one in your home might stress you out right after you get it. But you’ll soon get over that anxiety and having a loaded gun hidden somewhere will then become as nerve racking as having a pair of shoes in your closet.
Everyone should have a gun in my opinion, especially females. Don’t let those kick boxing lessons you took a few years ago fool you. There’s no way you’ll be able to defend yourself even against a small male. Guns are great equalizers.
If everyone owned and carried a gun, violent crime would plummet. A shocking 100,000+ females are sexually assualted in America every single year. I hate reading those statistics. Please ladies, carry a gun.
Just make sure you’re uber-safe with them and everything should be fine.
And please, don’t try to convince yourself that violent crime will never happen to you. Everyone who is the victim of violent crime never thought it would happen to them, until it did…
When I was 18 I had a lot of friends that carried guns. It scared the s*** out of me. I would freeze up anytime I saw one. Then I started working at a cafe that I had to close alone at midnight. Going out back to the dumpster sent chills down my spine. I lived alone as well and walking my 10 pound dog after work alone also scary. I was tired of being scared.
After talking to some regular patrons at the cafe about my fear of walking to the dumpster alone, one of them told me they were a veteran and could teach me to protect myself. He introduced me to the world of guns. At first I was scared. Then I realized that with the proper training, I could learn to feel more comfortable around guns.
Now 13 years later….I am not scared. I have developed a passion for guns. Heck, I even shoot competitively with my sub gun. The 18 year old me would be shocked with the 31 year old me.
My next goal is to help as many woman as I can become comfortable around guns and learn to protect themselves.