Never Say Never
By Dana Commandatore
Do you want to know the secret to a good marriage? Here is one tip: “It’s not what you say, it’s what you don’t say that keeps you 
together”. Take my husband, Michael, and I for instance. When we decided to get married we talked through many scenarios to make sure there were as few surprises as possible. We knew we wanted to work hard, have kids and buy a house…with no guns. Yes, I was never going to allow a gun in my home, especially a home with children in it.
It’s not like I’d had a bad experience with guns. Society taught me that guns were wrong. I’d heard every anti-gun argument out there without ever getting the other side. I didn’t want them anywhere near my child or me. One would think that Michael, a veteran of the Marine Corps, would’ve had something to say about that, but he didn’t. He kept quiet. At that time, we were living in New York City and Michael knew it would be ridiculous to argue since it would be next to impossible to own a gun in NYC. He probably also knew that the more he pushed, the more I would pull away. Let’s face it; once you put a stake in the ground, you don’t want to move it.
In 2004 we made the trek to Los Angeles where we bought our first home. This was the first time in my adult life that I lived in a home instead of an apartment and I’ve got to say, I was a little nervous. I wasn’t sure I liked living so exposed. Plus, now we had a little boy that we both wanted to protect. Shortly after we moved in, a man came to our door requesting some gasoline. Being a New Yorker, I was overly suspicious and denied his request for me to take him to our garage where he could look for something to help start his car. But I was worried that I was being an unfriendly neighbor since he claimed to live on our street and had a little girl that just died (all BS by the way). Michael knew better. As I turned to get his attention with my hand on the door, he positioned himself in a spot where the man could not see him and put his finger to his mouth so that I did not alert the man to his presence. If the man had tried to force his way in then Michael could always use the element of surprise…but not a gun since I would not allow it. A few months later, a neighboring house was robbed.
I didn’t feel comfortable and I don’t like being uncomfortable in my own home. Michael knew it and suggested he get a gun. We talked about my concerns and he explained to me the steps he would take to keep it safe and inaccessible to our son. I thought about it for a long time and made a decision to trust my husband. I was confident that he knew what he was doing and it was important for him to be able to protect us.
Now, you’ve heard the saying, “Guns are like tattoos. You can’t have just one.” Well, it’s true. So, several guns later, I could say I felt safe. But was I being responsible? What if Michael was out and I needed to protect my son and myself? What good would a gun do me if I didn’t know the first thing about shooting it? Plus, I was really enjoying all those shooting shows on TV like Top Shot and Sons of Guns. Maybe it was time to exercise my 2nd Amendment right.
Mother’s Day seemed like as good a day as any to learn how to shoot. Michael packed up the truck and we went to the local indoor range with two of my best girlfriends. They had been shooting most of their lives and were always up for some shooting—the perfect support group. It wasn’t the first time I ever fired a gun so I can’t say I was scared (although it does take a moment to get used to the noise of the surrounding guns and one of the main reasons I would suggest shooting outdoors for the first time.) I had some difficulty with the sights for I have a blind spot in my right eye. Michael did an excellent job of explaining gun safety and the basics of shooting. I no longer feared guns and wanted to become a shooter. I thought I should have my own gun so that I could become proficient with it. Michael gave me the gun I shot that day, a Smith and Wesson M&P. Since then, we have been shooting several times. Instead of date night at the movies or a restaurant, we often opt for a couple hours at a range. I learn more each time and I improve with each shot. Of course I do, I have a great teacher.
Maybe women look at guns differently than men? I know there are women out there that grew up around guns and don’t have the same fears. I also know that there are many women that have never even seen a real gun let alone shot one. Maybe we want to feel secure enough in our relationship or ourselves before we allow such a huge responsibility into our lives. There is a lot of trust that goes into firing a loaded weapon and you need to make sure your relationship can handle the responsibility.
